Screens
The Great Remote Control War Between My Two Toddlers
It wasn’t about what to watch. It was about who got to hold the remote. Every night. Here’s how we ended the fight over a little plastic rectangle.
How it started
Our kids are three and almost five. They usually agree on the show. That should have been the easy part.
The trouble was the remote. The second the TV was mentioned, they’d sprint to the couch. Whoever got it first would clutch it to their chest, and the other would collapse in tears. Some nights there was grabbing. Once, a thrown remote and a cracked battery cover.
I tried ‘whoever’s being kind gets it.’ Both claimed to be kind, loudly. I tried taking it myself. Then they both cried.
We’d spend the first ten minutes of ‘relaxing TV time’ refereeing.
Not medical or clinical advice: I’m a parent of two toddlers sharing what helped at home, not a pediatrician, therapist, or child-development expert. Every family’s screen and media rules look different, and there’s no single right answer. If you have questions about your child’s screen use, sleep, or development, please talk to your pediatrician.
Why this was so hard for a toddler
For little kids, holding the remote means power: pressing the buttons, starting the show, being in charge. It’s like being handed the steering wheel.
And with two kids, anything that only one can hold becomes a contest.
What made it worse
- First-come rules. It made it a race, every night.
- Judging who ‘deserved’ it. Both felt it was unfair.
- Grown-up holds it as punishment. It felt like losing for both.
- Changing the rules each night. They kept testing.
What actually helped
1. A remote calendar
Odd days for one kid, even days for the other, written on the fridge.
What I say: “Let’s check the fridge. Whose remote day is it?”
2. The other kid gets a different job
The non-remote kid picks the snack or the blanket.
What I say: “It’s your sister’s remote day, and you’re the snack chooser.”
3. Remote lives in a set place
It sits in a basket on a high shelf. I hand it to the remote-day kid.
What I say: “The remote comes from the basket. I’ll hand it to today’s holder.”
4. Kind remote rules
Show pick together, the holder presses. No waving it in faces.
What I say: “Holder presses, both choose.”
5. If it’s grabbed, it goes back
Calmly returning it to the basket, then trying again.
What I say: “The remote’s resting in the basket. We’ll try again in a minute.”
6. Turning off is also the holder’s job
They loved pressing off when time was up.
What I say: “Holder, can you press the off button? Great job.”
Honest limits
There are still nights with grumbling, especially when one kid is tired. And some nights the TV stays off because nobody can share. If sibling fights feel constant or aggressive, it’s worth asking your pediatrician for support.
From one tired parent to another
If your kids fight over who holds the remote, try making it a job with a calendar. It’s not about the TV. It’s about being in charge, and they can each have their day.