Four steps that felt like a mile

It was a normal Saturday errand. I buckled my son into his car seat in the underground garage at the mall, then walked around to the back of the car to load the groceries. I could see the top of his head through the rear window. I was talking the whole time.

But he couldn’t see me. The back seat faces forward, the trunk lid was up, and the garage was full of noise: a car alarm chirping, tires squealing on the ramp, a door slamming somewhere that echoed off the concrete like thunder.

By the time I closed the trunk he was screaming, “Mama! Mama gone!” His face was red and wet and he was pulling at the straps. I’d been gone maybe forty seconds.

I felt terrible, and also a little confused. He’s fine when I load the car in our driveway. What was different here?

Not medical or clinical advice: I’m a parent of two toddlers, not a pediatrician, therapist, or child-development specialist. This is simply what helped in our house. Some clinginess and worry about goodbyes is a normal part of being little, but if separation worries seem intense, last for months, get in the way of daily life, or you just have a gut feeling something is off, please talk to your pediatrician.

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Why the garage made it so much bigger

I think it was the mix. He was strapped in and couldn’t move toward me. He couldn’t see me. And the garage was dim and loud, with sounds bouncing around so it was hard to tell where anything was coming from, including my voice.

For a little kid, being stuck, unable to see a parent, and surrounded by sudden loud noises is a lot at once. Out of sight can feel like gone, and the echo made my voice sound far away even when I was close.

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What made it worse

• Disappearing without a word. I started loading before telling him what I was doing.
• Calling from behind the car. My voice echoed and seemed to come from everywhere, which made it scarier.
• Rushing the comfort. I hopped in and drove off right away, so the scared feeling never really finished.

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What actually helped

1. Narrating before I move

Telling him the plan, every single time, gave him a map. After a couple of weeks he started saying it with me.

What I say: “I’m going to the back of the car to put the bags in. You’ll hear the big door go up. Then I come right back to your window.”

2. Loading the trunk first

When I could, I simply flipped the order. When it was safe, I changed the order and kept him beside me under direct supervision while loading, away from moving cars. In a busy garage, I kept him secured instead.

What I say: “Stay right beside me while I load, where it is safe. Then it’s your turn to get buckled.”

3. A tap signal on the window

Before I walked to the back, I’d knock twice on his window. When I finished, two more knocks. It was something he could feel and hear clearly over the echo.

What I say: “Listen for my two knocks. Knock knock means Mama is right here.”

4. Naming the noises

Labeling the sounds took some of the mystery out of the garage. He started pointing them out himself.

What I say: “That big bang was a car door. That beep is a car saying hello. Loud, but not hurting us.”

5. Giving him a job to hold

Holding something important kept his hands busy and gave him a reason to wait for me to ask for it back.

If your child finds a parking ticket too easy to lose, a small familiar soft toy can be a comforting thing to hold instead. One optional example to browse is the GUND Baby My First Teddy Bear on Amazon. There is no need to buy anything for this idea to work: a favorite toy from home is just as good. Choose an age-appropriate item, and keep anything held in the car from interfering with the harness or becoming a hazard.

What I say: “Can you hold the parking ticket for me? Keep it safe until I’m back.”

6. Finishing the moment before driving

A short pause to settle, instead of driving off mid-sob, seemed to help the next trip start calmer.

What I say: “You were scared when you couldn’t see me. I’m here now. Let’s take three big breaths before we go.”

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Honest limits

We still have the occasional yelp when a car alarm goes off. Some garages are just loud, and some kids are more sensitive to sound than others. I’ve accepted that sometimes I’ll park on an outdoor level just to make the day easier.

Never leave a child unattended in a car, even briefly. In parking garages, keep children securely restrained or directly supervised away from moving vehicles while loading, and do not compromise car-seat harness safety for a comfort item. This post is about loading right beside the car, not stepping away.

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From one tired parent to another

If your little one melts down the second you’re out of view, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were four steps away, doing a normal grown-up job. A little narration and a knock on the window went a long way for us. I hope it helps you too.